1. |
lessons
03:05
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i was born at the ends of the earth
where the wind sang us songs and we sang them back
we know how to keep our footing
it’s our job to keep our footing
when the wind is your teacher, your father’s its voice, you’ve got big shoes to fill
and we know how to keep our footing
but i’ve got two left feet
but i’m learning, i’m learning, i’m learning, i’m learning
to step a little lighter and talk a little quieter
sometimes i mumble, sometimes i overstep
sometimes i wish my mother hadn’t left, but that’s life i guess
i have a family who moves like the wind does
they laugh when i laugh, and i laugh when they don’t
they know how to catch my footing
and nudge me into place
sometimes i feel there’s a burning within me
sometimes i want to scream
and they know how to catch my footing
but i can walk just fine
i’m learning, i’m learning, i’m learning, i’m learning
that burning needs earth, wind, and water to balance
sometimes i’m angry, sometimes i get sad
but when our directions go bad, i can be our compass
i have a partner who said that he loves me
it took me some time, but i said it back
we can watch each other’s footing
i love to watch his footing
his wings and his wonder make him one with the elements
his words and his laugh fill my heart like the wind does
the wind lives forever
i thought we had more time
but i’m learning, i’m learning, i’m learning, i’m learning
that passing through fire can help things grow again
sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes i don’t want to
but sometimes i hear the wind speak, i was born to
pick up the mantle and speak for the storm and my people and family and home
now i’m back where the wind sings me songs
my family’s all safe, but i’ll see them gone
i know how to keep my footing
it’s my job to keep my footing
now i can speak at a pace that is fitting
step with the confidence wisdom has given
i can keep my footing
and give it to the wind
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2. |
new pack
02:57
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flesh of stone and belt of bone
we titans tower, crack, and groan
anywhere we take our home
and suck the marrow til it’s dry
head of pack, he gives the word
to beat old man, break bones like birds
i heave, i stand against the herd
they laugh, beat, leave me here to die
old man saves me, raises me til grown
his little light takes me as her own
my heart made flesh where once was stone
we shout our mettle to the sky
little light shines and finds us friends
we fight, and drink, and fight again
i know our glory shall not end
we’ll laugh, rage, battle til we die
when here be dragons all around
the head of pack has taken our town
i spit, i swear to take him down
or fall with honour when i try
best i know he won’t fight fair
we circle, bite, we sniff the air
we beat our breasts, break heavy stare
we laugh, know one of us will die
and when the fight is turning grim
my new pack tears him limb from limb
we heave, we cleave, we bury him
we raise our victory on high
it’s with their light, their strength, their song
my friends, they show me right and wrong
it’s in my family i am strong
it’s in my family i am strong
it’s in my family i am strong
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3. |
second chances
04:12
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little light, are you listening?
little light, i have so much to show you
i’m a house with the light on
on the path when you’e walking in darkness
your clothes might be dirty and covered with blood
but i’ll still have a hot meal here waiting
and you have a spirit that holds like a hand
and your heart is a safe place for others to land
just remember this one thing and you’ll make me proud:
second chances are always allowed
little light people see you
as a person that they can look up to
they will come with their questions
even when you don’t have any answers
i ask you to look past their dirt and their blood —
a hot bath and forgiveness are weighty
and you have two hands made to raise others up
and you have two clear eyes to see others with love
when they call you for guidance, make sure that you know:
second chances will help them to grow
but a fire unfed can grow dim
betrayal can steal all the kindling within
the choices of family and friends disappoint
and it’s always your job to be bigger than them
you are tired, you’re feeling unsure
you don’t know if you’re all that good anymore
you want to hold onto your anger a while
‘cause your build to hold everyone else’s
but this one is yours
little light, are you listening?
little light, just look up, i’m beside you
you don’t need to be perfect
even when you’re surrounded by dark
you see paths that need lighting, including your own,
and i’m there with my arms open, waiting
and you have a purpose — it’s hard and it’s grand
but i’ll always be holding your heart and your hand
when you rebuild my temple, it’s true even now:
second chances are always allowed
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4. |
nothing from nothing
03:25
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deep in the cover of russet and green
i move like my brother, i know i’m not seen
out in the world shine like light through the leaves
then come to the woods to feel clean
i was a stain scrubbed from family lands
they must of known then i’d have blood on my hands
we left to find mother, knew she’d understand
we found the destruction; we ran
nothing from nothing is not how i’ll stay
so i’ll cling to the treasures i find on the way
gold and good people, collect them the same
i’ll know what it means to be safe
the aching is soothed by the wealth we’ve amassed
but old hurts and scarring need cures that will last
i’ll earn a new future to buy out my past
new fortune, new family, hold fast
again i learn safety is not guaranteed
my life for another, my brother to plead
and loosed like an arrow, a burning new need
i take to the sky; i am freed
i know i am charming, i know i am swift
but the trees see right through me, a wound and a gift
i cut out the cancer and choose to forgive
i choose to let go, choose to live
nothing from nothing is not how i’ll stay
i’ll plant a new forest and find my own way
loved and worth loving — i feel them the same
i know what it means to be safe
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5. |
found
04:15
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oh, every girl in town, they know my name
at any door i’m never turned away
my tongue has many uses
(be it pleasure or excuses)
invite me in, but know i cannot stay
i’ve got a reputation to uphold
i’m in my prime, in spite of getting old
each tune and each recital
offers proof that i’m still vital
they buy my lies wherever they are sold
i go by many names and many faces
i’m infamous and wanted many places
i’m searching for, you see,
a missing part of me —
but let’s not look at that! alone, i’m free
this entertainer travels with a band
some friends who revel with me ‘cross the land
and though we’ve faced real danger
i still feel that i’m a stranger
like any story, nothing goes as planned
into my rambling life, there comes a tether
unfortunately two birds of a feather
a girl i wish i’d known
a daughter, smart and grown
she hates me, and again i am alone
now disillusioned with my fame
there’s one way i can clear my name:
embrace my kin and hence begin
a life of reparations
to prove i can be something more
to her (and me) i shut the door
on those i called my friends
and leave a wake of devastation
my selfhood making much more sense
my lifeblood given recompense
i find my self remaining incomplete
but all good stories have a knack
for recapitulation —
i’m beckoned back to once familiar streets
now as divine appointed storyteller crowned
i tell my tales both live and leather-bound
we all could use reminding
that our pasts are never binding
and any part that’s missing can be found
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6. |
golden boy
03:50
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golden boy
i’ve never been the golden boy
except for when i travel through the doorway of my bookcase
and into other lives
i try them on for size and find them to my liking
golden boy
i want to be the golden boy
instead i’m stuck with gold in coffers, empty rooms,
the weight of expectation
and the grip of desperation to fill anyone with pride
let me be the golden boy
i want to be your golden boy
learning me
between mechanics, lore, and chemistry
he gives the gift of been seen for who i am
and not ignored for who i could be
but love won’t pay the bills or feed the legacy
so you give up on learning me
and tell me that it’s good for me
you tell me what i’m worth, and i believe it
you tell me what my name is worth, my pride, and i believe it
you tell me i’m delusional, that i am soft and malleable,
but so is gold, and i can prove that i am just as valuable
i tell myself i’m gold and i believe it
he told me i am gold, and i have gold, so i believe it
i’ll paint myself the golden boy, the world will know the golden boy
and other boys in empty rooms will know they can be golden too
suddenly
i’m slammed into reality
i crash my shining comet down to earth and unexpectedly
collide with other lives
i try them on for size, and find them to my liking
learning me
apart from who you said i’d be
my pride is in my charity
i’m living now on scrap and spit and stories
but i understand the glory of a legacy of light
and i can be the golden boy
i can be the golden boy
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7. |
checks and balances
02:44
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if memory is smoke, i am a bonfire doused an hour ago
if purpose is an engine, turn my birthright into coal
my temper borne of winter, i know hibernation well
and the longer i must wait for justice, i grow ever hungry in the cold
grasping at the little i control,
i fight the devil with a devil
making deals, it hardly matters
when you’re gambling with worthless things
like souls and other horrors
turn my terror into terror
take from them just what they took from me
it’s hard to shoot a pistol when you’re looking through a mask
it’s hard to see a future when your purpose is your past
if rage and engineering built my legacy of fire,
i must sit upon my secret
name each bullet
shoot to kill and live to last
grasping at the little i control,
i fight my shadow with an army
— not the kind that wields my horrors, no,
the kind that fights with laughter
and the sunlight of forgiveness,
looks through darkness and decorum,
sees a man, not a monstrosity
if loneliness is prison, every touch is liberation
love will outshine any antidote where hatred is a poison
and i know good deeds don’t guarantee a path to some salvation
but what if rage and engineering turn destruction to creation?
holding tight to what i can control,
i fight my terror with a family
making deals, the checks and balances, they help me build
a birthright borne of blood and death and winter,
peace hard won, and better justice
i’ve reclaimed just what they took from me
i’ve reclaimed just what they took.
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8. |
tethering
03:37
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my responsibility
starts and ends with kin
they think they can cut us out
i was never in
with my mirror at my side
speed and shadow be our guide
string that binds us sanctified
joining twin and twin
fighting instability
try to understand
tightrope-walking go or stay
trust their offered hands
paths ahead and paths behind
meaning still for me to find
kin is born and made in kind
i will let them in
with each opportunity
tethering the parts of me
tie my strings around a tree
roots and ribbons mingling
losing temporarily
my mirror and the most of me
i give myself eternally
an end to save my everything
my responsibility
starts and ends with kin
lady fate, with offered hands,
pulls my tether in
given wisdom with my wings
i take heart in bigger things
see the crossing of the strings
that start where we begin
though it hurts my heart to leave
learning love is learning grief
through the mourning, i believe
we will endure by tethering
through the bonds of family
they will keep my effigy
feathers dance with falling leaves
…
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Lilli Furfaro Toronto, Ontario
24 | canadian | she/her | folk/indie | nerd
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